There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you. James 2:13
I don't know about you, but I was one of those people who was perfectly confident in my abilities to parent BEFORE I actually had children. Full of "I will never"s and "I will always"s. The real deal is a different thing, however. I have bumped up against the flesh of my child, and my own flesh, too. I have been too exhausted to care if they played an extra hour of Mario Kart or ate Cheerios for dinner. I have stared back into the stubborn eyes of a child I realized was SO much like me, and boy, had I met my match.
But in the areas that REALLY matter, I desperately wanted and still want, to get those things right. To instill character and integrity that will go with them throughout their lives, and help them to be successful adults, able to navigate relationships, both professional and personal. And I have to admit that sometimes my fear of getting this part wrong, causes me to be a bit..well...hard-nosed. On the other hand, my perfectionist and controlling tendencies sometimes cause me to not want them to deal with consequences. Oh, I'm perfectly content to hand out my own consequences to them. But to let them feel the sting of natural consequences of poor choices, or to appear to another adult, such as a teacher, that we don't have it all together....wow..that's hard. What a combination of traits in a mother, huh? These poor kids. I'd like to share a couple of more recent events involving my kids that really got me to thinking about this whole mercy vs judgment thing.
Lauren had her first band camp this past summer. They had to pass off some of their materials by memory during camp, and I wasn't there to help as we were in the Bahamas with Liberty for Dolphin Therapy. Not only didn't I get to help her, I wasn't there to "help her fix it" when she told me she was afraid she couldn't pass it off. She texted me that she wasn't ready. I asked her if she could play the music. She said she could, but not up to tempo. "Mom, what am I going to do?" The mama in me wanted to call her band directors, since I know them personally, and plead for mercy. For them to understand our plight. But I knew deep down that this was something Lauren needed to handle herself. I said, "You tell them the same thing you just told me. That you can play it, just not up to tempo. And then you play it the best you can play it." For the record...Lauren is NOT a kid who wants her mama to fix anything, ever. Especially with me knowing all kinds of people in the band world, and being a teacher in the system she attends school in. She'd rather eat dirt, than to think my connections helped her in any way. That is just who she is innately. She prepared the best she could, and when the day came, they ended up moving the deadline up anyway. Isn't that the way those things go, so often? By the time they got around to doing pass offs, she did fine.
Samuel had somewhat of a rough start to the school year. He has a small attention span, and a large sense of humor, which isn't always the best combination in school. I have always told my kids, "If you are being mistreated, I will go to bat for you. If a rule is clearly spelled out, and its consequences are also, and you break it, then you will have to pay the piper." However, one morning, after an already hard week, Samuel realized he left his book at home that he needed for reading at school. Knowing he would get a check mark, I felt so torn, and thought, "Well, just this once, I will take his book to school." Then I realized I had an appointment and had no time to take his book. I told him, "Buddy, I'm sorry. I don't have time to bring your book. You'll just have to take your check." Well, as it happens, the teacher chose mercy over judgment that day and didn't give him a check. It definitely made an impression on this mom.
There have been two days since all that, that my kids were being slow and running late, and I fussed at them. Spoke harshly to them, as I used my imaginary whip to get them in the car and to school. Do you know what happened both times? You guessed it. I forgot Liberty's backpack one of those days, and her lunch the other one. In one of those instances, Samuel was sitting on the couch instead of getting his stuff together and left an empty soda bottle at home that his science teacher needed for an experiment. I was so mad at him for being irresponsible, then being irritable with me because I brought up his irresponsibility, that I had no intention of taking it to him. Then boom....well, there sits Liberty's lunchbox.
So, all this got me to thinking about mercy vs judgment, and how God views it when we mess up. Micah 7:18 tells us that the Lord DELIGHTS in showing mercy. He doesn't do it begrudgingly. James 2:13 tells us that mercy triumphs over judgment. So, are there times when we need to teach our children, employees, etc responsibility and let them experience consequences? Absolutely. But there is also a time for mercy. Ask Him for wisdom to know the difference. For me, I'm going to start with letting consequences speak for themselves, apart from my harsh words. And ask God to fill in the gaps. He is merciful.
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